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Our first story is about some guy somewhere at some time,
We don't know why he's there or how he is there.
We sent our field reporter Prisilla on the case.
"Hello, I am Prisilla and I want answers."
"Huh? who are you? get out of my house!"
"My god this is the second time these people just barged in here." - Somebody, somewhere.
Clearly he is up to something since he's being extremely secretive about this.
Our next story is about the results of the most recent sportsball game.
Fans of team 1 are overjoyed at their success yet fans of team 2 are very angry with the team and the game itself even though they knew losing was a possible outcome.
They say that "The refs are lying and cheating!" and that "Team 1 must have cheated!"
These people also called several witty internet people commenting on this issue "No life vidya gam nerds." and then subsequently watching several hours of reality TV and eating junk food.
Our final story for this week is about Mr. Lastname, the man who informed us about the dangers of water.
He was found dead in his home yesterday, the cause of death was withdrawel after quitting water.
He reportedly died October 12th, 2017.
And now for the weather with our weatherman Chuck!
"Our forecast calls for maybe rain, it snowed once and now it's just going back to rain, our weather can't even commit anymore."
That's nice Chuck.
That has been THE NEWS!
(BO DU DU DA DA DUM)